Psalm 16:11 You will show me the path of life; In Your presence is fullness of joy; At Your right hand are pleasures forevermore.

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Being Strong;

This week has not been an easy one for me. I have always struggled with anxiety and fear, yet this week has been very hard for me. I really think that I haven't dealt with some really tough issues from my past and the enemy keeps bringing those up for me to struggle with again. I know God wants me to face these struggles head on and move forward once and for all. A few weeks ago, on the anniversary of my grandmother's murder, I cried most of that week on and off. The anniversary of her death doesn't normally really affect me in a huge way, but for some reason this anniversary was extremely difficult. I think this week has just been a continuation of that struggle and I don't think I have ever really grieved my grandmother's death. God allowed me to have this wonderful woman in my life for 30 years and for that I am thankful. I will never truly understand why God chose to take her to his home in the heavens, but I know God said to her when she arrived, " Well done, good and faithful servant." My grandmother lived her life for the Lord and she was the ultimate example of excellence in human form to me, yet I know God has a plan for all the pain as well as the joy we face while in our earthly home. Grief is a powerful emotion and I think I had to be strong for everyone else during that time, and I never grieved. I have always had to be the strong one and keep everything bottled up inside and not need anyone to worry about me. Yet, through this past few weeks, I have realized that I am falling apart inside because I keep everything inside and act like I have it all together. Usually, I do have a pretty good grasp on whatever is going on in my life, but lately I really just need someone to stand beside me and say..." I am here" and to give me a hug. I need a friend with skin on as my mom says.. I have just recently been out of the workforce for the first time in my adult life. I am really struggling with finding my purpose in being home. I miss being out in the public and seeing people as well as having a purpose. I really don't know what I am to do while I am at home. I help my husband some with our business but I feel like I am not contributing enough... I want more yet I don't know what that " more " is.. I am not saying material things. I am saying more than just cleaning, cooking and helping with the runnings of the business. Please pray for me and what I am suppose to be doing during this time of transition. I would also appreciate you praying for me to find a good friend that will be a part of my life... I pray for you as well. Please leave me a comment..


  1. Hi Angie,

    I'm so sorry you are so sad. When you read my lastest post "His Presence Makes It Better" I pray it brought a sense of peace to you. His presence is better than any earthly friend we will ever have, yet I do understand your need for a friend you can actually touch and get a much needed hug from. I had that same need a few years ago after moving to a new area. It was difficult for many reasons, yet God let me depend on Him and Him alone for a time before bringing me a good friend that I could count on to share my heart with.
    I will surely pray for you to have peace in your new found free time as well as a new trusted friend to come your way. Until that person appears, you can count on me as a pen pal to share your thoughts if you'd like. Toni@inHisembrace is my e-mail. Write any time!

    In God's grace,


  2. Hi Angie,
    Sometimes we need to let it all out so that we can go on. Let the Lord strengthen you. When you feel weak (and it's okay to feel that way), rely on the Lord's strength. One thing I learned is that while I might be asking the Lord for something to stop what I'm going through, He may supply strength in what seems like a small way. A while back, I went through a rough time with constant sadness, not sleeping, etc. I know not sleeping was making it all worse. One afternoon, I poured my heart out to Him (again) but this time also told Him how tired I was. I wanted to nap, but couldn't relax enough to fall asleep. Until I felt His comfort and it felt like He was telling me to "rest now." And I was able to fall asleep. I guess it just reinforced for me that we can go to Him with anything and everything. He truly knows what we need and when, and right then I desperately needed to sleep.
    I will be praying for you!
    In Christ,

  3. Thanks Toni for the kind words. I appreciate the offer of being pen pals. I will consider contacting you when things slow down around here.