Fear

I have been joining about 2600 other men and women on an online bible study about fear. Before I always thought that fear meant you were weak, lacking or not worthy of God's faithfulness in your life because if I had fear that must mean somehow along the line of handing out character traits, I wasn't given the trait of courage or self esteem.. Otherwise, I wouldn't be fearful. But over time I have realized, the opposite is really true because everyday that I wake up to face my fears and walk through the fire to make my life continue to move forward, that must mean I am being courageous and not fearful. I may be feeling anxious and fearful inside, but I still put one foot in front of the other because I don't want my life to pass me by and one day have regrets that I missed out on a huge plan that God had for me and my life. About 4 years ago, I was totally homebound due to my agoraphobia. One day after many struggles after talking myself into making the necessary steps to overcome this, my husband came home from his job and said that his boss wanted him to go to a class for his job in another town. The town is about 2 1/2 hours from us. Mike wanted me to go with him on the trip and we could spend the weekend out of town. We had not been anywhere in years... Literally years due to my fear of travel. I knew that Mike really wanted me to go with him on this trip but I was so afraid to commit because what if I couldn't do it.. What if something happened and I had a panic attack? What if.. What if... I told Mike that if I could find someone to work for me the 3 days we would be gone, then I would go.. I told God that if He wanted me to go with Mike then he would have to work it all out.. Surprise, Surprise. The next day at my job I found another employee that said they would work all 3 days for me.. Well, now I am in a mess because now I have to go.. We left town on a Thursday and I took my laptop, tons of books, my Bible and my music on my IPOD. I planned on trying to stay so busy that I didn't have time to get nervous or fearful. We had planned to stop about half way in a pretty good size town and do some shopping, then head out again. Needless to say, once we got to Amarillo, I was okay until it got time to go to bed. I just have never enjoyed being in a new town, new place, or around an unfamilar area.. I don't know where that fear comes from but I am really making strides to figure it out in counseling. I know there is a reason. We had a good time out of town and Mike was so proud of me for stepping out and doing something that I was so afraid of doing. I knew it was important to him and he wanted me to go, so I did it. I have realized that I have always believed that I was lacking in courage or self esteem or some other character trait that all of these other people had that did all of these awesome things in their lives, but now I realize that I have that inside of me too. I just need to decide that I have the POWER, LOVE, and SELF CONTROL that the Bible talks about in 2 Timothy 1:7.. I know that God's power lies inside of me, so with HIM, I am powerful.. WIth HIM, I have love. With HIM, I have self control. Basically I am talking to myself trying to convince myself that I can do this.. I can make this trip I so desperately want to make. I haven't seen my grandmother in about 6 years and I haven't seen my cousins or Uncle in that long either. I want so desperately to make this 6 1/2 hour trip.. LOrd, Please guide me on the road to continued healing, power and freedom from this stronghold of fear in my life. I know that you want everyone free from fear and I ask you to do this miraclious work in my life and any other person reading this today. Fear is such a powerful emotion but I know POWER comes from you Lord to overcome anything we face. You know my hearts desire.. I ask that you TOTALLY, TOTALLY eradicate this from my life and for me to never feel its presence again. I know you want the best for me and every other person reading this. Your plans are always the best.. I thank you for the wonderful family I have who are so understanding and so encouraging.. Without my husband and other family that loves me, I would be lost. www.melissataylor.org Online Bible Study.. Check out her website